My Uplifted Self-Esteem

Today i had to go to my grandparents' house to help them move some wood 'cause they were having a tree taken down. it was really sad 'cause that tree has been there for as long as i've been alive and longer. unfortunately there was nothing i could do about it.

anyhow, there was a good side to this. when i got there the tree guys were there. well, the guy who owned the buisness (Budd's Tree Removal, or something like that) had two sons. but not just two sons, two HOTT sons!!! they were so HOTT!!! they were really buff from all the carrying of logs and such things. one of them was 24, but he smoked and had a gf, the other one though... he was only 18, i thought he was hotter anyhow.

but wait! it gets better!! we went to the library for a while so that we didn't get any logs dropped on our heads since they were done with their lunch break (they didn't really take a very long lunch break though, the younger one, lets call him Angelo, practically swallowed his food whole and then came and helped us stack the wood. hmm....). the bad news: when we got back they had left because they needed to get oil and a bigger saw for the stump, the good news: Angelo had asked how old i was!!! so he actually noticed me!! according to my grandma he was crazy about me, but i think grandmas tend to exaggerate things. *sigh* besides she thought 18 was too old and that he could keep his fingers off me.

oh well. what am i thinking anyhow?? there is Var!! i shouldn't be thinking all these dirty thoughts about a tree guy. even if he was sexy. i don't think it's that bad though, it's not like i'll ever see Angelo again. hmm... unless my grandparents get another tree cut down, which seems imminent. i have to entertain myself somehow inbetween my emails from Var anyhow!! don't look at me so accusingly!! I still love Var!! i don't even know anything about Angelo!! except that he was hott and that my grandma said he was really nice. oh well, it just makes me happy that i was actually noticed by a guy, sort of gives me a self-esteem boost.

The Night is Young... Forever

hmm... that was a kind of random title, oh well. Anyhow, i'm writing about last night. I was really depressed and lonely last night. I don't really know why, usually on friday nights I'm quite happy to just have a quiet evening home alone-well, with my brother too-but you give him the computer and he is satisfied. I just felt lonely, it was friday night and here I was, all alone, sitting in my room, writing in my journal, not even listening to music because I hate the music they play at clubs on friday nights.

So around midnight I decided I would start reading "Guitar Girl" and maybe it would cheer me up since it looked sappy and pointless. I was right about the sappy, i'm not so sure about pointless though. I really liked it. In fact I loved it. It cheered me up, and yes, I finished it, at 5 in the morning i finished it. I wished I hadn't finished it though. It had a very depressing ending. So if you are thinking of reading "Guitar Girl" and don't want the ending to be ruined then don't read any further.

In the end Molly decided she couldn't stand to be Dean's gf, even thought she loved him, he was hott, cute, sexy, loved her and was funny sometimes. Really it was probably the right choice, but still.... I like romances to have happy endings, but in this one Dean ended up going back to his old gf, nicknamed "Hobiscuit" by Molly and her friends. He didn't love her!!! Argh!!! Their relationship was purely physical!!! He loved Molly!!! She loved him!!!! Although I sometimes wondered if their relationship wasn't purely physical too, since whenever they were doing band stuff they yelled and bitched and said they hated eachother. You really must read the book to understand. HE WAS HOTT!!!!!!! ARGH!!!! okay, i need to relax, hottness isn't everything... but he could be really sweet when he wanted to be.... but you had to wonder if that was just so he could get what he wanted from a girl. *sigh*

I am getting really frustrated with my love life. It just is frustrating. DAMN!!! I don't even know if he's alive!!! Var, that is. I wish he would email me. I wish he would look up my phone number and call me. I wish he would steal his grandpa's car and come to my house in the middle of the night and throw stones at my window until I woke up. And then I would sneak out and we would just go somewhere and be alone. *sigh* I better stop now, i'm probably going to worry you guys with all this talk of going places alone with guys in the middle of the night. I swear though, I won't do anything stupid.

We need to do something together!!! I think that's why I'm so lonely, we do all this blog stuff but we havn't actually seen each other for a long time. We used to have history and art and everything else, but now there's nothing. I MISS YOU GUYS!!!! We should go see a movie or go shopping or something!!!

"Mosh" Eminem

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America
and to the Republic for which it stands
one nation under god
indivisible...
It feels so good to be back...
I scrutinize every word, memorize every line
I spit it once, refuel and re-energize and rewind
I give sight to the blind, my insight through the mind
I exercise my right to express when I feel it's time
It's just all in your mind, what you interpret it as
I say to fight, you take it as I'mma whip someone's ass
If you don't understand, don't even bother to ask
A father who has grown up with a fatherless past
Who has blown up now to rap phenomenon that has
Or as least shows no difficulty multi-task
And in juggling both perhaps mastered his craft
Slahs entrepreneur who has helped launch a few more rap acts
Who's had a few obstacles thrown his way through the last half
Of his career typical manure moving past that
Mr kisses ass crack, he's a class act
Rubber band man, yea he just snaps back
Come along follow me as I lead through the darkness
As I provied just enough spark that we need to proceed
Carry on, give me hope, give me strength
Come with me and I won't steer you wrong
Put your faith and your trust as I guide us through the fog

To the light at the end of the tunnel

We gonna fight, we gonna charge, we gonna stomp, we gonna march

Through the swamp, we gonna mosh through the the marsh

Take us right through the dorrs (c'mon)

All the people up top on the side and the middle

Come together lets all bomb and swamp just a little

Just let it gradually build from the front to the back

All you can see is a sea of people some white and some black

Don't matter what color, all that matters we gathered together

To celebrate for the same cause don't matterthe weather

If it rains let it rain, yea the wetter the better

They ain't gonna stop us they can't, we stronger now more than ever

The tell us no, we say yea, they tell us stop, we say go

Revel witha rebel yell, raise hell we gonna let em know

Stomp, push, shove, mush, F*** Bush, until they bring our troops home (c'mon)

Come along follow me as I lead through the darkness

As I provide just enough spark that we need to proceed

Carry on, give me hope, give me strength

Come with me and I won't steer you wrong

Put your faith and your trust as I guide us through the fog

To the light at the end of the tunnel

We gonna fight, we gonna charge, we gonna stomp, we gonna march

Through the swamp, we gonna mosh through the marsh

Take us right through the doors (c'mon)

Imagine it pouring, it's raining down on us

Mosh pits outside the oval office

Someone's tryin' to tell us something

Maybe this is god just sayin' we're responsible

For this monster, this coward,

That we have empowered

This is Bin Laden, look at his head noddin'

How could we allow something like this without pumping our fists

Now this is our final hour

Let me be the voice in your strength and your choice

Let me simplify the rhyme just to amplify the noise

Try to amplify the times it, and multiply by six...

Ten million people, are equal at this high pitch

Maybe we can reach alqueda through my speech

Let the president answer a higher anarchy

Strap him with an Ak-47, let him go fight his own war

Let him impress daddy that way

No more blood for oil, we got our own battles to fight on our own soil

No more psychological warfare, to trick us to thinking that we ain't loyal

If we don't serve our own country, we're patronizing a hero

Looks in his eyes its all lied

The stars and stripes, they've been swiped, washed out and wiped

And replaced with his own face, Mosh now or die

If I get sniped tonight you know why,

Cause I told you to fight

Come along follow me as I lead through the darkness

As I provide just enough spark that we need to proceed

Carry on, give me hope, give me strength

Come with me and I won't steer you wrong

Put your faith and your trust as I guide us through the fog

To the light at the end of the tunnel

We gonna fight, we gonna charge, we gonna stomp, we gonna march

Through the swamp, we gonna mosh through the marsh

Take us right through the doors (c'mon)

And as we proceed,

To Mosh through this desert storm,

In these closing statements, if they should argue

Let us beg to differ

As we set aside our differences

And assemble our own army

To disarm this Weapon of Mass Destruction

That we call our President, for the present

And Mosh for the future of our next generation

To speak and be heard

Mr President, Mr Senator

Do you guy's hear us...hear us...

Paul, the enlightened (and slightly love-struck) boy

setting: Paul is at school walking with one of hist friends, it is the day after he met Haras and he can't get her out of his head. he keeps hearing everything she said played over and over in his head, but over it all is a resounding and frighteningly final "No". he thinks he should be appalled by the fact that she eats raw meat, but he isn't.

Shawn: (Paul's friend) hey man, why are you so quiet today?

Paul: (absently) I was just thinking.

Shawn: about what? a girl?? the way you're moping aroun it's gotta be a girl.

Paul: yah, it was a girl.

Shawn: was she hott?

Paul: not really.

Shawn: well then why the heck are you thinking about her?

Paul: dang man, when are you gonna figure out that looks aren't everything?

Shawn: course they're everything! what else is there? you better tell me what is so great about this girl that looks don't even matter.

Paul: she was... she was... she was wild!

Shawn: (looks at Paul knowingly) ohhh... she was THAT kind of girl. did you meet her behind a bar??

Paul: no, no, no. not wild like that. she was wild like an eagle that soars untethered through the sky, wild like a snake who slithers uncaged throught the fallen leaves, wild, wild like a coyote. no she was not hott, not thin and blonde, but beautiful like an oak tree which stands strong throught the fiercest storm, like a wild white rose just blooming in the morning with the dew still clinging to it's petal.

Shawn: (looks at Paul incredulously) man, are you feeling okay? since when are you all poetic and s***??

Paul: (once again looking slightly "not in this world") never been better.

Shawn: (shaking his had sadly) where'd you meet this wild chick anyhow?

Paul: in the forest by a stream

Shawn: so you gonna meet her there again?

Paul: no.

Shawn: why the heck not??

Paul: she said I would never see her again.

Shawn: that's what they all say. you go there next week she'll be waiting for you.

Paul was saved from having to answer by the bell.

For All You Fantasy Lovers...

Oh my gosh you guys!! I just read a really, really, really good book!! It's called Dragon Rider, by Cornelia Funke. It is based in the real world but there are talking rats (they are really smart and funny), Brownies (midget sized human-cat beings who LOVE mushrooms and like to argue a lot), Dragons (!!! what else can I say?? the dragons are awsome!!!), humans (most of which are bad and don't even believe in all these mythical creatures and are just taking over the world, but there are a few good ones), elves (who are fairy sized and cause lots of trouble), mountain dwarves (short, fat, with big funny hats) and, my personal favorite, Twigleg the homunclulus (he is fairy sized, very thin, a betrayer, and man made!). I am not going to tell you anything about the story because I would probably betray the ending. You really must read it though because it is soooooo good!

The Adventures of Haras, the Coyote Girl

A girl is sitting in the middle of a forest on a log by stream, dangling her feet in the water and singing a wordless song to herself. Her jeans are worn, dirty and rolled up to her knees and she does not appear to have any shoes. Her hair is long and wild.

A boy (named Paul) decided to have and "adventure" while going for a walk in the forest. He left the trail and happened to come upon the girl.

Paul: (somewhat questioningly) hello.

Haras: the moon shines on your path.

Paul: er, thanks.

Silence....

Paul: so... what are you doing here?

Haras: I live here.

Paul: (incredulously) you live here? on this log, by this stream?

Haras: No! (gestures in all directions) I live in these woods, i live everywhere and anywhere.

Paul: do your parents live here too? where is your house?

Haras: I do not have any parents as far as I know. the forest is my house, the leaves a carpet, moss a pillow under my head, trees my protecting wall and the sky my roof.

Paul: how did you get here if you have no parents? who took care of you? raised you?

Haras: I have always been here. the coyotes raised as one of their own.

Paul: (moving back nervously) coyotes?!

Haras: (somewhat angrily) coyotes do not care about looks or species. a baby is a baby whether it be human or coyote. babies need care and food no matter what they are.

Paul: w-what did you eat??

Haras: deer, raccoon, possum. whatever could be caught.

Paul: (sickened) raw??

Haras: of course raw! coyotes are smart enough not to build fires in woods! not that they could build one in the first place. meat is just as good raw as it is cookes! of course now that I can get around on my own I eat berries, mushrooms and plants in addition to meat.

Paul: (shudders and mutters something indistinct about raw meat) haven't you ever thought about coming and living in civilization?

Haras: Of course I have thought about it plenty-not that it really takes much thought to realize civilization is the worst thing that ever happened to man. now we have leader and wars, cars and pollution, hate and discrimination. no one cares for any human or animal but himself. in the wild there is one law: eat or be eaten. you kill when you are hungry and let live when you are not. some day when I am old and weak my brothers and sisters the coyotes will bring me down and sleep on full stomachs, then I will have completed the cycle of life and therefore lived to the fullest.

Paul: (looking horrified but still curious about this wild girl) what about a husband? will you not take a husband and have childeren of your own?

Haras: (scornfully) no! I will not contribute to the human population! there are already too many of us! we have eliminated all our natural enemies. we are the only ones who can stop ourselves now!

Paul: wouldn't you come back to civilization with me for a while?

Haras: no! I have already talked too long, fairwell!

Paul: wait!...

but Haras had slipped into the water as smoothly as an otter.

Paul: (trails off) ... but will I ever see you again?

Haras: (resurfacing) no.

then she disappeared beneath the water and Paul never saw her again.

A Conversation Between the Patriot and the Liberalist

Setting: A classroom with a dozen students is waiting for the arrival of a soldier from Iraq. Most of them are conservative, Christian, Bush Supporters. Key word, most.

The soldier arrives, is greeted and talks for a while about what it is like to be a soldier in Iraq. Finally he finishes and asks if anyone has questions.

Teacher: What are your feelings about the war in Iraq? Do you think that we are doing the right thing. I completely support President Bush's decision but I was wondering what your thoughts were as a soldier.

Soldier: My job is not to think about whether it is a good decision or not, my job is to carry out the order.

One of the students near the back of the room stands up suddenly.

Girl: Your job is to carry out the order, but that does not mean you can not have an opinion.

Soldier: I do not need to have an opinion.

Girl: (starting to get angry) Yes you do! That was the whole point of the Revolutionary War!! So that every man would have a chance to live as he wanted, think what he wanted, and make his own decisions as he wanted!!

Teacher: Miss Brown, please calm yourself and take your seat.

Girl: NO!! This is a free country and I will say what I want to say!! You don't have to do everything you are told, even if you are told it my the governement!

Soldier: I trust in the judgement of the governement, you would do well to also. I am doing what is right and patriotic.

Girl: You just said you didn't have an opinion so how can you say it is right?? And don't give me that "patriotic" s***!! How can it be considered "patriotic"??? Patriotic is supposed to mean following what your country wants!! This war is not what this country wants!!

Soldier: It certainly is what the country wants!

Girl: It is what the president wants! It is what some of the people in this country want!! But I am from this country and this is not what I want!! The only reason you follow that bastard is that he has lots of money! That's the only way he got elected in the first place!! You are all hoping that if you do what he wants you'll get a big pay off at the end!! That is not how this country is supposed to work!! Not how it was intended to work!! We are going backwards in time, going back to being ruled by a dictator, the man with the most money!! We were given brains so that we could think for ourselves!!! What do you think??? Is this really the right thing??

Teacher: That is quite enough Miss Brown! You may leave the classroom now and find the principal.

Girl: (attempting to contain her fury as tears of frustration and anger spill down her face) I will go, although I have the right to free speech. The only reason you want me to leave is that you know I am right. You can't stand to know that I am right and you are wrong, so you are blinding yourselves so that you only know one way and therefore trick yourself into believing there is only one way. One day the world will look back on this war and realize it was a big mistake, but since we are so good at blinding ourselves to the truth it will happen again, and again.

She turned and walked stiffly from the room

Chatter My Friends!

I got chatterbox!!!! Yay!!! It took me forever to figure our how to do it but now we can chatter away!! I'm so proud of myself!! Now I must figure out how to put my profile and stuff at the tope of the page... *sigh* just when I thought all my problems were solved... Oh well, CHATTER!!!

Back!!! Guess Who's Back With a Bran' New... Never Mind, I Shouldn't Even Get Started

Hi Everyone!!!!! Long time no type! I had to kind of lay low for the past few days. I was worried my parents were going to ban me from the computer or something... Let me tell you the story... it wasn't my fault really!! Okay, I lied, it was my fault.

So as you all have heard or at least know my birthday was last Saturday. Well, Grace came over and spent the night. We had so much fricking fun!!!!!! We made one minor mistake though... At about midnight we decided to get on the computer and play RuneScape (the best game ever!!!). At first we were very quiet; only whispered and smothered our laughter, but by 4am we had gotten pretty loud... Apparently we awoke my mother because she came down and said, "I think it is time for you to go to sleep." She said it really calm and it really freaked me out.

After that I was really scared that my parents would be mad and ban me from the computer. I think they thought it was one of those spur-of-the-moment, have-fun-on-your-birthday sort of things though. So they never said anything about it, but I decided it would be better if I just stayed away from the computer for a while so they had time to forgive and forget. Even if I had gotten in trouble.... it would have been worth it 'cause we had soooo much fun!!

So Many Things, So Little Time

Okay, I have a lot I want to write, but my brother gets the computer this morning so I'll just have to wait till tomorrow. I'm 15 now. I guess i should be excited about that but I don't really feel older. LOL. Got to check my e-mails, I'll write tomorrow. Bye!

She's No You: Jesse McCartney

They gotta lot a girls
Who know they got it going on
But nothing's ever a comparison to you
Now can't yo see yhat you're the only one I really want
And everything I need
Is everything you do?
Any girl walk by, don't matter
'Cause your looking so much better
Don't ever need yo get
Caught up in jealousy
She could be a super-model
Every magazine... the cover
She'll never, ever mean a thing to me...
She's no you... oh no
You give me more than I could ever want

She's no you

I'm satisfied with the one I've got

'Cause you're all the girl

That I've ever dreamed

She's only a picture on a magazine

She's no you... she's no you

They got a lot of girls

Who dance in all the videos

But I prefer the way you do,

The way you move

You're more than beautiful

And I just wanna let you know

That all I ever need

Is what I've got with you

Any girl walk, don't matter

Every time you're looking better

I think you're perfect

There ain't nothing I would change

She could be a super-model

Every magazine... The cover

She'll never, ever take my heart away

She's no you... oh, no

You give me more than I could ever want

She's no you

I'm satisfied with the one I've got

'Cause you're all the girl

that I've ever dreamed

She's only a picture on a magazine

She's no you... she's no you

No one's ever gonna get to me

Oh, the way you do

Now baby can't you see

That you're the one... the only one

Who's ever made me feel this way?

Nothings ever coming even close

No one's ever been comparable to you

I don't want nothing I don't got

I don't need nothing but you

I can't get more than you're giving me

Don't stop anything you do

You're all that... all that, and then some

You know what... just what I need

And no girl, no place and no where

Could mean a thing to me

She's no you... oh, no

You give me more than I could ever want

She's no you

I'm satisfied with the one I've got

'Cause you're all the girl

That I've ever dreamed

She's only a picture on a magazine

She's no you... she's no you

She's no you... she's no you

Excited!!

Every year I since I turned 13 (gosh, I hated being 13!) I have never really been that excited about birthdays. I mean really, you are getting older every single day. So why bother celebrating one day in particular? I don't know, it seems so pointless.

I'm excited this year though 'cause Grace aka Froggie is going to spend the night and then come with me to Ann Arbor!!! It's gonna be so much fun!!! We'll get to wander around downtown
Ann Arbor and shop at all the cool stores and we'll eat as Seva, home of the best vegetarian food on the planet, and talk, and have fun!!!!!! YAY!!!!! Besides, I'm going to be 15, which is older than 14!! YAY!!!!

Dang, I'm getting so fricking old!! Do you realize that in 5 years I might be married??? Yikes!! That's scary!! I'm not going to think about that anymore. TTYL!! Au revoir!

Inspiration

Most people will be about as happy as they decide to be.

To Log or Not To Log: The Logarithm Problem

Those of you in Algebra 2 probably have been through logarithms and know how confusing they are. Now I wouldn't mind them so much except that I AM NEVER GOING TO USE THEM! What is the point of using up valuable time and brain cells to learn some stupid thing that you are NEVER GOING TO USE???? I just do not understand!!

I know that I am never going to use them because I want to be an artist or a horse trainer. Trust me, you don't need calculus (which is what logarithms prepare you for) to do art or train horses. You just don't!!!!

Inspiration

No one can ruin your day without your permission.

Congrats!!

I would like to congratulate my friend Gray Bean. She got best in show for her portraits!!!!!!!! Congratulations Gray Bean!!!!! That is awsome!!!!!!!

The Count of Monte Cristo

"... Put two sheep in the slaughter-house or two oxen in the abattoir and let one of them realize that his companion will not die, and the sheep will bleat with joy, the ox will low with pleasure.But man, man whom God made in His image, man to whom God gave this first, this sole, this supreme law, that he should love his neighbour, man to whom God gave voice to express his thoughts-what is man's first cry when he learns that his neighbour is saved? A currse. All honour to man, the masterpiece of nature, the lord of creation!"

Am I the only one who thinks there is a very good point being made right here? Probably not, but I would like to say WHAT IS WRONG WITH US?????? This quote is so true and it makes me sick. Which also brings me to the question: Why do we value human life above that of any other animal? All animals are alive, as far as I can tell they all contain the same amount of life as any other animal and yet we think nothing of stepping on an ant or hitting a raccoon in the road. If you were to hit a person you would face charges for manslaughter, but if you hit a possum it lies in the road until it rots into nothingness. It seems to me that there is something wrong with that.

Besides that, humans are the least beneficial creatures on this whole planet. We cut down rainforests, kill of whole animal species, drive animals out of their homes so that we can build our own homes, fill the air with smoke and gas and contaminate the water with oil and garbage. I don't even understand why we are here, we should be blown up! I know that is morbid, violent and stuff, but what's even more morbid is that we, the most powerful being on this planet are using that power to destroy the Earth. It needs to stop.

Riding in the Rain

Yah, I rode Avalon today. I love him soo much!! I was really mad 'cause it started raining as soon as I got on. I was really upset; mostly 'cause I was wearing a white shirt, lol, but then I realized that there really wasn't anyone to see me so it didn't matter, so then it was fun!

There was a lady having a lesson on Mr. Bill (he is Avalon's half brother, he is very lazy and absolutely adores eating, but he is soooo cute so he can be forgiven), well he started trying to eat and canter at the same time. It is really funny to watch but NOT fun to have happen to you (trust me, I would know). So then Peggy (my riding instructor) got on and made him behave, it's so amazing, she doesn't even have to really do anything, she's just such a good rider. Someday I will be able to ride like her. That is my dream.

I'm So Happy! I'm Ms. Happy!!!

so.... guess who I got an e-mail from???? guess, guess guess!!!!!!! yes!!!!!!!! you got it right!!!! Var!!!!! I got an e-mail from Var!!! I was so nervous about getting one from him 'cause I wasn't sure what he would say after I told him I wasn't sure how I was feeling about our whole relationship... he is so sweet! I think I'm falling again. Gosh, humans are such fickle beings. Oh well. Happy!!!

Inspiration

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life."

My dad

Waiting... and Waiting...

I hate waiting.

What am I waiting for?? Well I'm waiting for an email back from Var. I'm kind of nervous as to what it is going to say. I don't know when it will come though, but I'll wait as long as it takes.

Scars: Papa Roach; One of my favorite songs

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut

And my weakness is that I care too much

And my scars remind me that the past is real

I tear my heart open just to feel

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down

And I just wanna be alone

I'm pissed 'cause you came around

Why don't you just go home

'Cause you channeled all your pain

And I can't help you fix yourself

Your'e making me insane

All I can say is...

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut

And my weakness is that I care too much

And our scars remind us that the past is real

I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once

Against my own advice

I saw you going down

But you never realized

That you're drowning in the water

So I offered you my hand

Compassion's in my nature

Tonight is our last stand

I tear my heart open, I sew my self shut

And my weakness is that I care too much

And our scars remind us that the past is real

I tear my heart open just to feel

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down

And I just wanna be alone

You shoulda never come around

Why don't you just go home?

'Cause you're drowning in the water

And I tried to grab your hand

I left my heart open

But you didn't understand

But you didn't understand

GO FIX YOURSELF!

I can't help you fix yourself

But at least I can say I tried

I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

I can't help you fix yourself

But at least I can say I tried

I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life!!

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut

And my weakness is that I care too much

And my scars remind me that the past is real

I tear my heart open just to feel

The Story of My Life

...well, not really my whole life, that would take forever and I can't remember enough to make it all fit together. So this is really the story of the last 5 months of my life. The reason I'm going to start there is because that is the origination of... something that has changed my life (?)...perhaps for good, perhaps for bad, I don't really know yet. LOL.
It all started with this game, RuneScape (from now on abbreviated as RS). I was at the library one day, playing RS. Now you must know that all the computers are lined up in rows right next to each other, so a person sitting at the computer next to you can look over at your computer if they are so inclined. While I was playing someone started talking to me on my private chat, this freaked me out because they were in a different world than me so they shouldn't have been able to get my name, I thought they were a virus. To make a very long story short, it turned out that the person was sitting next to me, he was 16 and very good looking. I'm not going to tell you his real name, but lets just call him Durvarna, Var for short.
After we met at the library we started talking online quite a bit, and as it turned out we both liked each other. So I was really happy about all this, I felt loved and I could love some one else. (for the record, I've never had a boyfriend, nor even come very close until now) There was just one problem, we would go for long stretches, maybe 2 weeks, where we wouldn't get to talk for whatever reason. This was hard because I would always wonder if he would stop liking me or something like that.
Well, I talked to him one day in March, I think it was the 17th or thereabouts. Then I didn't hear from him for a week, then another week and another. Finally after it had been 6 weeks I decided I had had enough; I couldn't just keep waiting and wondering when I might never hear from him again. So I decided I would not be in love with him any more.
Well, guess who I got an e-mail from last week? Yah, Var, he was sorry he hadn't been on for so long, he still loved me etc, etc. So at this point I don't know what the heck to do. So that is the story of my life, and if you have any advice at all I would really appreciate it.
I really like him, I'm just not sure if I like like him, if you know what I mean. So I don't really know what to say to him.

Hi!

I'm so excited about having my own blog! This is so cool! At this point I am absolutely clueless as to where to start. So I'll write more later!